hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it ‘No Filter’, go with a filter next time. serious
ME: Cant sleep. Theres too much going on in the world
MY WIFE: Whats bothering u?
ME: If Garfield didnt have a job, why did he hate Mondays?
You Might Also Like
me: Do the villains in Scooby Doo know they have the right to remain silent?
wife: GO TO SLEEP
*spreads rose petals on the bed*
[Death metal voice] “INTERCOURSE!”
if i could just have a moment of ur time to show u this…
A roasted peanut is a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts.
“hey bud can I crash at ur place”
Sure come on over
*sound of approaching airplane*
Class action lawsuits are gangs for white people.
Quickest way to get over someone? 4 wheel drive
kicked out of church. I yelled “YEAH WE “HAVE A MARIA”, SHE’S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD”. mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
Welcome to adulthood.
You have a favorite brand of pain reliever now.