Apparently at some point in history, hotcakes sold quite briskly.
me: [dead in the morgue] *turns fan on for noise*
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Of course you can trust me with your secret.
*Calls local news team
Ant Man: bit by a radioactive ant
Daredevil: bit a radioactive devil (on a dare)
Captain America: bit by a radioactive america
Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate
If you can see the bread you are not using butter correctly.
My doctor said to have a reasonable meal for dinner, so I talked some sense into my pizza.
6: What’s the Roman numeral for 4?
What’s the Roman numeral for 6?
Me: I don’t know. They named the movie Rocky Balboa.
“HULK WANT LOAN.”
Bank: “We can’t loan to people like you.”
“GREEN SKIN PEOPLE??”
Bank: “No, people who owe 2.6M in property damage.”
You ever eat fish and chips at the aquarium and get the feeling you’re being watched?
The best part of Robocop is when they spent billions of dollars making a cyborg super soldier instead of helping Detroit not be awful.