Rejected names for lumberjacks:
me: Did you brush your teeth?
me *hands him a glass of orange juice*
9: Do I have to?
me: Yep. Told you not to touch my Cheetos
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teacher: and that’s how you do your taxes
student: thank you. what a useful skill i have learned here today
I’ll write a song about you! What’s your name?
Agana.. Anga… ang..
🎵I went through the desert on a horse with no name
A solid knife fighting strategy is to move clockwise in increasingly larger circles until you reach a safe running distance.
You should be able to make your GPS call you a code name.
“Bobcat, in 3.1 miles turn left”
“Recalculating, Bobcat, you’re going rogue.”
How would you describe your time management skills?
Me: Can we talk about this later? I’m late for an appointment.
In 2009 we lost Michael Jackson. Now we lost Neil Armstrong. We are running out of moon walkers
Experts determine Super Bowl blackout was an electrical issue, also determine grass has a green issue.
Technically… It’s only illegal when you get arrested.
my wife: i have a fear of giants
me: she has f-
my wife: don’t you dare say it