“So hell isn’t too bad,” I say from the podium. “I just keep teaching?”
“Actually…” said a demon
“Actually…” said another
Me: Diets suck. Why I gotta do it too?
Her: No I in team
Me: Isn’t 1 in diet either.
Her: Yes there..
Me: I’m too hungry for your mindgames!
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me: see you tomorrow
coworker: ok it’s a date
me, thinking to myself: a date? but that could lead to affection, intimacy and eventually, love
[the next day]
coworker: *just doing work stuff like any other day*
me: *in HR desperately seeking a transfer to Argentina*
What can I do to pass the time?
Anyone who shows up late to work, wearing shades and clutching a Gatorade is about to tell a lie.
HER: I’m studying to be a scientist but really love comedy
ME: [trying to impress her] Botany good textbooks lately?
What we study in class vs. what’s on the exam paper
Some woman honked and shot me the bird in the McDonald’s drive thru because I was taking too long to order. So I paid for her food….
Then when I got to the food window I showed them both receipts and took her food.
I paid for it. It’s mine.
Not today, Satan.
“Holy infant so tender and mild.”
You can be anything you set your mind to become
Me: wants to be loved
Life: adds pineapple
Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We’ve never met before, right?