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@ArfMeasures: Me: Do you do any Iron Maiden?
Carol singers: no
@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.
@SortaBad: [meets a cute girl from Scotland]
"Ummm hi your people make fantastic tape"
@AngelaEhh: Do chicks with anchor tattoos that say “never sink” know that anchors are made to sink?
BRUCE BANNER: [tries to pick up a crouton with his fork]
DATE: Are you okay?
THE HULK: I’ve been better.
@cdncyn: Dear parents with unattended children they will be given 4 red bulls and a kazoo