Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock
Me: [doing crossword] a body of water; three letters.
Me: flying insect w/ stinger; three letters.
Me: to hush someone; four letters.
Me: boat Noah built; three letters.
Me: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO.
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Octopus after owning some1 in a rap battle
Dont kill anyone in a jealous rage.
Calm down and plan that shit first.
*creating garbage cans*
God: “That’s where trash goes”
*creating my twitter*
God: “That’s where trash comes from”
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
Sorry I yelled “GET A ROOM!” at your grandson’s wrestling tournament.
Shoe repair guy: so what happened?
[cut to me trying to flush myself into the Ministry of Magic from my toilet]
Me: I stepped in a..puddle
•a lion stalks a fawn•
•a man steps out from behind tree•
I’m Chris Hansen from NBCs to catch a predator, do u know how old that deer is?
What’s the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round.
A spider is just a hairy raisin with legs