@NewDadNotes

Me: [doing crossword] a body of water; three letters.

Wife: bay.

Me: flying insect w/ stinger; three letters.

Wife: bee.

Me: to hush someone; four letters.

Wife: shhh.

Me: boat Noah built; three letters.

Wife: ark.

Me: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO.

You Might Also Like

@Shock_Monster

Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock

@baconacid

*drops mic*
*drops mic*
*drops mic*
*drops mic*
*drops mic*
*drops mic*
*drops mic*
*drops mic*
Octopus after owning some1 in a rap battle

@Shot_Of_Cabo

Dont kill anyone in a jealous rage.

Calm down and plan that shit first.

@natechartier1

*creating garbage cans*
God: “That’s where trash goes”

*creating my twitter*
God: “That’s where trash comes from”

@STOTLE

What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?

@SoulYodeler

Sorry I yelled “GET A ROOM!” at your grandson’s wrestling tournament.

@marinhubka

Shoe repair guy: so what happened?

[cut to me trying to flush myself into the Ministry of Magic from my toilet]

Me: I stepped in a..puddle

@ilovecuredmeats

•a lion stalks a fawn•

•a man steps out from behind tree•

I’m Chris Hansen from NBCs to catch a predator, do u know how old that deer is?

@causticbob

What’s the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round.