Me: *Don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be we..
Him: Hi
Me: OMG YES of COURSE pygmies are little people!!!

You Might Also Like


Imagine having the best possible excuse to not see family for the holidays and then just… not using it?


SIRI: Brian, what goes “blah blah blah, I don’t know anything, please help me”?
ME: Uhh
SIRI: It’s you. That’s what you sound like.


DATING TIP: You never want to seem too easy! So set up a date and never show up.


*knock knock*

“Sir, this is the police, open the door immediately”

“But I’m having a poo”

“We know sir, the phone box has glass sides”


Your tweets remind me of a Rubik’s Cube. I can’t figure those out either


People who put a strip of bacon on a donut, where does it end? You wanna put a braised lambshank on my cupcake? Why don’t I open up my chocolate croissant and you can shove a live trout in it


doctor: what seems to be the problem?

t-rex: I cant feel my legs


Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.

#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes


Sometimes late at night, if you listen real carefully, you can hear parents removing batteries from annoying toys.