@GABBYdaAngSaya
@ClichedOut
cop: did u see the speed limit sign
me: of course
cop:
me: but not u
You Might Also Like
@ClichedOut
@LosLos__
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
@0hJuliette
Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain 😉
@CruisinSoozan
I deep cleaned the carpet so now I guess we’ll live outside.
@texasstalkermom
Want his attention?
Send nudes
Want to piss him off?
When he responds,
reply “Oops, wrong person”
@ibid78
“We do not negotiate with Pterodactyls.”- President Barack Obamasaurus
@MrGeorgeWallace
Why do they only put expiration DATES on food? It’d be fun as hell if they gave us the exact time too. “We got 8 minutes to eat this ham!!!”
@AbbieEvansXO
SERIAL KILLER: you can run but you can’t hide
ME: [crying] you believe in me more than my track coach ever did
@jimmytorosian
Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put “delicious” in their name. Like calm down. You’re still just an apple. You ain’t no prize.
@LaLa_Lyds
I wanna see the where are they now episodes of all the women on these christmas movies that threw away their multi-million dollar jobs to fall in love with the poor tree farmer
Bet there’s regrets