me: i trained my dog to talk
her: let’s see
me: describe sandpaper
me: the outer layer of a tree
her: this sucks
me: that little rapper guy
dog: bow wow
Me: Everything ok?
My 4yo (in the next room giving the carpet a haircut): Yep.
You Might Also Like
“Sorry, I have to take this call.”
“That’s a banana. And it’s half eaten.”
*covers banana with hand
“I don’t tell you how to do business.”
The reason I don’t like costume parties is the bit two hours in when you’re listening to your friend talking about her mum’s dementia and you’re dressed as Mario.
* tries to spread peanut butter *
Peanut Butter: I have a boyfriend
“I’m so stoked!”
-An excited fireplace
I just read someone’s TL who starred me, forgot who I was reading, starred & RT’d a gazillion RT’s on their TL, ended up in Mexico married.
Yet another thing they should’ve saw coming
My kids had head lice once so please don’t tell me about your home invasion…
I’m not the girl you should put on speakerphone.
Wife: I just vacuumed so don’t make a mess
Daughter: Yeah, don’t make a mess dad
Me: I’m not the one she was *drops sandwich* dammit