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“Its odd how the Church just lets
pedophile’s grant forgiveness”

Anyway…thats why I’m not allowed
in Confession anymore.


“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want” – a hilarious waiter taking a Spice Girl’s order


oerdering 40 plates of baby back ribs on a stolen credit card so that i can get enough wet naps to clean my entire body #JustGuyShit #normal


Whenever I’m drinking gatorade and wearing gym clothes I wonder if people think I’m exercising or if they know I’m hungover on laundry day.


Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan.

Me: *makes another plate of nachos*


I love the people in parking lots with “free kittens” signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn’t be oppressed.


When life hands you lemons, help me throw them at the kids on my lawn.


Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of.

Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.