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@Marcmywords2

“Its odd how the Church just lets
pedophile’s grant forgiveness”

Anyway…thats why I’m not allowed
in Confession anymore.

@KKAlThani

“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want” – a hilarious waiter taking a Spice Girl’s order

@dril

oerdering 40 plates of baby back ribs on a stolen credit card so that i can get enough wet naps to clean my entire body #JustGuyShit #normal

@mattgallo123

Whenever I’m drinking gatorade and wearing gym clothes I wonder if people think I’m exercising or if they know I’m hungover on laundry day.

@gruffybeard

Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan.

Me: *makes another plate of nachos*

@OhMattyBoy

I love the people in parking lots with “free kittens” signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn’t be oppressed.

@edgarrants

When life hands you lemons, help me throw them at the kids on my lawn.

@SladeBlue

Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of.

Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.