@TeaAndCopy

Me: Excuse me, where’s the rowing boat equipment?

Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle.

Me: …

Employee: …

Me: Or you’ll what?

You Might Also Like

@E_lok44

Boy ant: Feel like a swim?
Girl ant: Can’t, I’m not boy ant.

@sonictyrant

Me: *wearing a crystal chandelier*

Store Assistant: can i help you sir?

Me: how much for this disco poncho?

@WhaJoTalkinBout

me: am I awake or dreaming

a giant dragonfly, setting down his tea cup: honestly idk what this is

@squirrel74wkgn

[at 25yr class reunion]

Me: You haven’t changed at all!

Her: Hahaha, thanks

Me: *leans in* That wasn’t a compliment, Diane

@iGreenGod

Just heard that flies spread disease.

I always keep mine zipped.

@BurroFuma

I keep waiting for my Cadbury Creme Eggs to hatch into Cadbury Creme Chickens, but no luck so far. And sitting on them certainly didn’t help

@imence2

In RL I’m a car salesman. Which means its my job to know how many bodies fit in the trunk of a car officer. This is all work related.

@AimeeHelene1

People that whistle in public have at least one body buried in their backyard.

@nerdreign

I worry that people who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” may have missed a Science class or two.

@junejuly12

me: three breakfast sandwiches, two everything bagels, four chocolate donuts, and coffee

drive-thru person: how many coffees?

me: one please