My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don’t see why he can’t just clean it off his desk, and move on.
CDC: Stop that.
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Nothing fills an awkward silence like a 10 minute kazoo solo.
Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, “That’s her. She’s the one”
And not follow it with “who ate cake out of the garbage”
8 out of 10 men prefer not to date psychotic women with bad tempers, emotional baggage and daddy issues.
To the other two….
Hi, I’m MJ
I don’t get why you have to call my wife *librarian ignores me while on phone* “your husband is here trying to check out a book about ramps”
My phone always asks if I “Trust This Computer” like it knows something I don’t.
Great news everyone! Brontosaurus is a planet again.
I don’t know why they are staring. Ignore them.
*Holds drink up to your voodoo doll’s mouth*
I’m starting a sarcasm club. It would mean the world to me if you joined.
The goldfish was a little sick so I dripped some steroids in her bowl and now everything is hunky dory.