God: ok u can make one human that’s it
Satan: how do u feel about toupees & the name Donald
ME: *first day as a ghost* So we just kind of bug people?
OTHER GHOST: *going to town in a rocking chair* Have anything better to do?
You Might Also Like
3yo just yelled “face-five!” & slapped his brother in the face. I’m totally using that at work tomorrow.
My favorite part of church is when they pass around free money.
If they’re right about the Mayan calendar and the world ends next week, I’m cool with that because the people whom I love know I love them.
Also, it means I don’t have to fix up this freaking house any more
The opposite of isolate is yousoearly. Please don’t block me.
At 2am, nothing creeps me out more than the shadowy silhouette of my 3 year old.
A friend will invite you for beers
A good friend will pick up the tab
A best friend will hold your hair
All three will have blackmail pics
Arby’s also has a secret menu. If you order a “phone book” they bring you a phone book and you can find any other place to eat.
Show someone you hate them by buying them an Edible Arrangement.
Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly want to be late for work today either but it’s not like hot wings can shave themselves out of chest hair.