Unless someone tries to take a kneecap out with a crowbar, I have no interest in watching the Olympics.
Me: *folding a fitted sheet*
You Might Also Like
the noise i just made
Got a new cat today. She gives me disapproving looks all the time. I named her Mom.
When someone has a baby, I’m just like, OK, clearly you were desperate to have someone to hang out with
Ladies, don’t tell me you care about the environment if you don’t support my “Share a Shower” water conservation program.
Bro do you even–
Bro I do.
*eyes begin to tear up*
*fist bumping until the sun rises*
[angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long]
Yo whatcha doin bro?
[looks him dead in the eye]
practicing for you
People think I’m kissing an imaginary girl when I play air tuba.
“I’m not sure-”
wife: honey he’s a zookeeper if he says these are koalas I trust him-aww look at them!
*the raccoons hiss from the dumpster*
My childhood was fairly normal and I still turned out like this.