Me: *gets comfortable*

Life: Just one more thing …

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I love it when people yell when trying to communicate with someone who doesn’t speak their language.

Thank you for screaming “do you understand?” That was just what I needed to become fluent in your language on the spot.


Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.


It’s 10:25pm and one of my kids just came downstairs and asked what’s for dinner.

I guess I need to start doing head counts from now on.


Him: Why are the lights out? Are u avoiding trick or treaters?
Me (Peeling a Snickers bar by the light of my iPhone): Exactly.


The saddest thing about the digital age is the next generation won’t have that “nudie mag they found in the woods” experience. #culture


My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice.