@humanaaron

me: *gets down on one knee* will you help me make this tree house into a tree home?

girlfriend : *shouts from the ground* I can’t hear you, why can’t I just come up there?

me: no girls allowed

me: *gets down on one knee* will you help me make this tree house into a tree home?

girlfriend : *shouts from the ground* I can’t hear you, why can’t I just come up there?

me: no girls allowed

- @humanaaron

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[World Cat Conference]

President Cat: We have to dispell these stereotypes about cats. We need to- *he pushes his own notes off the podium*

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Me: I’ll have the steak

Waiter: how do you like it

Me: idk I haven’t eaten it yet

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A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension.

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Don’t tell me what your cats’ names are, I’ll call’em what I want.

Oh, Mittens & Snuggles?

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@BCMontgo

Me: I’ll definitely do it tomorrow.

Morgan Freeman: He wouldn’t.

Me: *chasing Morgan out of my house with broom* Why are you here again?