@Karate_Horse: Me: [getting stabbed by criminal] buddy this seems illegal
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@ZachWeiner: Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she'll be about 3 million years old.
@david8hughes: [sees kid crying in the mall] "What's wrong?" "I'm lost." "You're in the mall you little idiot."
@TheAlexP: How'd you get those bruises? *remembers tripping over a stuffed animal and destroying my blanket fort* Karate.
@AnOrangeSNES: If corporations are people then that's really gross because we walk inside of them all the time.