“40 is the new 30!” My dad always used to say.
Banned from driving.
ME: gimme a beer with a thick head
BARTENDER: you got it
BEER: did you know vaccine’s cause autism?
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Have been woken up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbour’s lawn mower. He’ll just have to mow around me, I’m not moving.
My boss got hit by a car while I was on my way to the wishing well so yes, I do have some spare change.
Showering at a woman’s house is like being at an open bar for conditioners.
The first caterpillar to turn into a butterfly must of been like YOOOOOOOOO
I had a teacher in high school who always assumed we’d give the wrong answer.
“What’s hotter, green or red peppers?”
I have a solar eclipse every two minutes inside my living room ever since my toddler learned how to open & close the blinds.
(friends getting chinese noodles without you)
that’s pretty lo, mein
A poster with a mugshot saying “Have you seen this man”
So I rang up and said No.
You have to do your bit for society .
“So,why r all Arabs terrorists?”
‘There’s 369,243,763 Arabs.If they were mostly terrorists,you’d be dead’