Me: “God! I hate people!”
God: “Yeah, me too.”

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Raspberry buy guitar
Raspberry take lessons
Raspberry answer ad
Raspberry show up at drummer’s house
Raspberry plug in
Raspberry Jam


I need a keyboard shortcut for “sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to your email…”


haha remember when you were a kid you’d hide inside the clothes racks at stores. can’t do that as an adult. someone’s stupid kid is in there


Ever worry that spiders have 8 slippers to slap you with?


ME REGULARLY: *uses the same 3 things at home*

ME PACKING FOR VACATION: I wonder if I’ll need 4 French horns or 5


Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.


Drinking alcohol can lead to many things, like uneating your food.


a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:11:”J0hnnyBlaze”;s:5:”image”;s:90:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3031129469/e6b90560ea56fb150f5a77fe8c7a14cc_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”336301334074638336″;s:7:”retweet”;s:3:”388″;s:5:”tweet”;s:137:”Girl: Hi
Guy: Hey
Girl brain: What did he mean? Is he in love with me? I need to analyze this for hours with my gfs
Guy brain: I’d do her”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}


DR: you have this disease
ME: oh no
DR: but you can cure it with a healthy diet and exercise