I love you just the way you are.
Though I do have a few suggestions.
me: [googling] depressed what do
google: consult a doctor
me: [googling again] depressed what do NO people NO talking
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Me: they’re my service bees
Him: but they’re not trained. they attack everyone who gets close to you
Me: they’re trained
English: because i like it lol
me: that’s not a good anser
English: oh boy ur not gonna be happy about this
POLICE: Sir, do you know how fast you were going?
ME: Jealous much?
UBER DRIVER: Where to
ME: One sec. Siri, where the best place to dispose of an uber driver’s body
SIRI: The bog
ME: nearest bog please
Times I’ve gone out to the garbage since she threw away a fur pillow: 2
Times I’ve leapt back thinking an animal was in the garbage: 2
I’m like a kid. People like me best when I’m quiet or sleeping.
*Coats body in coffee grains
*Waits for osmosis to occur
This is a little ditty I’ve been working on called “Stop putting nuts in the god damn brownies”
Hope you like it.