I just realized I’m back working retail during the holiday season which means I will inevitably make many people angry when I tell them “Happy holidays!”
me: *hanging back a bit while out with friends*
friends: that guy has followed us to 3 bars.
You Might Also Like
“Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man” he hummed to himself while ironing his sleeveless tuxedo T-shirt.
To the idiots who say ghosts aren’t real, maybe you should watch this documentary called Ghostbusters.
*Robber runs into Chipotle*
GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER
“Is this for here or to go?”
Uh. To go
“Do you want guac?”
It’s funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was “too much of a prude” is now a Catholic school teacher.
Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain 😉
The twin sisters that live next door to me, shower is broke so they’re using mine. So, you know what that means…
More hair in my drain.
Here’s a step by step guide to staircases
*gives you a handrail*
Me: Don’t do anything special for my birthday.
*People do special things for my birthday*
Me: Oh thank God.