Me: you like that? *takes out trash*
Me *starts vacuuming the living room*
Wife: oh my god, don’t stop
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A lady in Walmart told her son “PUT THAT SHIT BACK” so loud I almost put my shit back
“Hi Mom, leave a message”
i feel like most people have forgotten why we were robbing this jewellery store in the first place, for the jewels
We take our 40% off sale seriously at
I drank my recommended amount of water today, yay!
Okay, well there was some vodka mixed in every cup, but still.
All is calm,
Hubs: There’s nothing on TV *winks*
Me: Remember last time?
*both look at 2yo*
Hubs: There’s over 900 channels, we’ll find something
me *opening a box of Mac and Cheese*
wife [sitting in the hot tub] No
What medications do I take?
I’m not sure. The names on my neighbor’s prescription bottles are ridiculously long