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@bingowings14: Me: Have you ever tasted cat food?
Interviewer: No, I meant questions about the job.
@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.
@hazelmotes1: I read an article about a stolen dog being reunited with its owner and it made me feel good to think maybe someone will steal my dog one day
@SexyInsomniac: Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
@0point5twins: "I bumped into your wife yesterday"
"You know the café opposite the S&M club?"
"Opposite that café"
@notbedelia: If you squint, Pitbull looks like a grown up Tommy Pickles from Rugrats.