Waitress: would you like another drink?
Me: Are you new?
Me: hello, police? I think I’m living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body… Crap! She just came in.
You Might Also Like
We built this city on rock n roll. The streets have no names. The midnight train goes anywhere. Stairways climb to heaven. Tbh its a gd mess
A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
Another Twilight movie?God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them.
I fell down the stairs earlier but thank god my dogs were there to wag their tails and step on me
When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
If a guy doesn’t return your texts for 4 months, it might be over.
It probably isn’t, but it might be.
My swimsuit told me to go to the gym today but my sweatpants were like nah girl you’re good.
Who is Keto and why is everyone posting his shitty recipes?
Are rhetorical questions really necessary?