Been playing hide n’ seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now.
me: hey dad will you pass the turkey
dad: *pats belly* I sure hope so son
You Might Also Like
*professes my undying love to my microwave*
*microwave sets itself on fire*
HER: let’s be open about how we really feel. I’ll go first I love you.
ME: Ok well… I really, really, don’t want Naruto to end
I want to be a host at a restaurant so if someone asks for a booth I can yell, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE BOOTH!”
me: [pretends to throw ball for my GF’s dog and laughs]
GF: “you’ll regret that one day”
GF: “my dog holds grudges”
me: “don’t be stupid”
[one year later]
priest: “does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?”
from the back: “WOOF”
This woman at work sounds just like me. I’m going to pay her to call my Mom and occasionally say mmhmm and how nice.
Common sense: Walk away.
Do you know why the Little Mermaid wears seashells? Because A and B shells were too small
I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses.