@tweetsbyrocket
@MrGeorgeWallace
You only hear about careless whispers. Shout out to all the very careful whispers, where the person really thought about the ramifications before they whispered and whatnot.
You Might Also Like
@MrGeorgeWallace
@Its_Miss_Riss
Oh, you climbed Mt. Everest?
Well, I live with 4 teenagers and ALL the laundry in the house is clean AND folded.
.
@fro_vo
the most semi-awesome vegetable is the rad-ish
@Pork_Chop_Hair
There is no real comfortable way to explain to your gynecologist that it’s your feet that smell.
@Ristolable
*agrees with someone online* Yeah, I agree.
*disagrees with someone online* YOU’RE NOT JUST WRONG YOU’RE HITLER AND I HATE YOU FOREVER
@Darlainky
Throwing away any pizza crust is bad enough, but my son’s friend threw away a stuffed crust and he is no longer welcome in this house.
@R0ckG0d88
How long do you have to listen to a person tinkling the spoon against the side of the cereal bowl before the homicide becomes justifiable?
@fuzzypantaloons
Me and my mates are in a band called duvet.
We’re a cover band
@LlamaInaTux
Diary, day 1: I’m in the gang, but the guys didn’t want my mom to join
Day 2: Friendship bracelets don’t count as bling
Day 3: They found my diary. I’m out of the gang
@Gupton68
me: my night terrors are getting worse
therapist: anything you can change about your night-time routine?
[flashback to eating a wheel of mature cheddar in bed every night]
m: *shaking my head* nope, not a damn thing