little known fact: less famous brother, eustice wright, invented flying a spoon of vegetables into babies’ mouths
me: hold me while i sleep
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If da Vinci were alive today, the “Mona Lisa” would have been called “IMG-20121020-00463.jpg”
Material possessions mean nothing to me.
I don’t think I can make it through this week.
8-year-old: I upgraded my blanket fort.
Me: It looks the same as before.
8: I added more snacks.
Finally, some meaningful renovations.
Creaky door hinges are just free home security for us poor folks
Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?!
Me (whispering): Grandma back.
Me: *puts ferret in box with cat*
Mom: What are you doing?
Me: Making carrets!
Me: Yup! *plays Barry White*
[date doesn’t cry at the beginning of Up]
“I think we should see other people.”
me: *turns around in swivel chair*
I guess you never expected to see ME again…
Boss: Must we do this every Monday?
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because you like me
Cop: omg shut up I do not