To everyone who received a file from me named myjunk.jpg: I thought I was sending you a photo of my garage sale. I am so, so sorry.
Me: Hurry up kid. We’re gonna be late for school
6 y/o daughter: *begins eating each Lucky Charms marshmallow individually*
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I can relate to blenders because I also scream while I’m doing my job.
if i got pregnant i would simply hold it in
Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones
Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich
7:43 pm: I am in an argument with my girlfriend and my anger is justified
7:51 pm: I have just apologized for the Salem Witch Trials
*throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*
whenever a song says put your hands in the air i do it on the spot. i have fun and also an alarming vehicle collision record
me: wow its pretty
gf: funny how the slow death of something that once burned so passionately can be beautiful
me: haha what lol
gf: we need to talk
Today’s tantrum is brought to you by:
He’s itchy but won’t tell me where
The toy that doesn’t take batteries is apparently out of batteries
I wouldn’t let him eat a tampon
The fish have to stay in the fish tank
His milk was too cold and also wasn’t eggnog
cashier: whoa 58 boxes of Mac and Cheese, having a party tonight?