I’m with Amy. Her house was damaged by the floods, how are you?
[cut to Amy crying]
MORE LIQUID IS THE LAST THING WE NEED AMY
ME: I assume you don’t want your dog to see this?
*slides over pic of him with another dog*
JUDGE: *sweating* Bailiff, release this man.
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How are you feeling?
*board begins spelling*
What the!? A cheesy board!?
Damn girl, are you my Bachelor’s degree because you wasted my time and now I hate you.
Unemployment gives you time to follow your true passion: Worrying about money.
Me: lay down
Me: arms above your head
Me: don’t stop once you start
He: when I said role play…
Me: *pushes him down grassy hill*
*bends over to pick a four leaf clover but gets struck by a falling ACME safe before doing so*
*guitarist breaks guitar*
*drummer throws drums*
*singer stabs a bunch of guys*
OH MY GOD
*bassist plants a bomb*
CNN just wondered if I’m sending disasters to punish you for your sins. No, I’m sending them to punish you for CNN.
1818: My dearest Katherine, I write this letter in the hope that it finds you. It has been 3 fortnights since our last correspondence. I fear the lack of communique means you may have finally succumbed to the pox…
2018: Bro i texted u 10 mins ago u ded?
[End of day 1, building Rome]
Builder: We’ve finished, boss
Boss: For God’s sake, keep your voice down, we can drag this job out for weeks