He arrives mysteriously. Helps others, performs miracles, is betrayed, dies, is resurrected, and ascends into the heavens.
– E.T. (1982) PG
Me: I couldn’t eat another thing.
Narrator: Oh, she ate another thing. And then some.
You Might Also Like
She has a weimerhi…wimerrihym….wimmerhie…
She has a big gray dog.
“You’re sure that’s the right word?”
“Like, 80% sure, yeah.”
me: hurt me
her: only 1% of all ancient literature survived
her: for instance, the gallic sack of rome completely wiped out the true story of the founding of rome, forcing historians to rely on roman propaganda and legends
Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.
Never end a tweet with a question mark. People will talk to you.
You can buy wedding cake even if there’s no wedding, those suckers don’t even check
A dog needs to be the next president.
“A dog can’t-”
When has a dog ever raised taxes or started a war?
“I’ll start the paperwork.”
“Your breathing holes are very nicely shaped”
Flirting is so easy