*gets a snack*
*turns on tv*
*glances at twitter for 8 seconds*
Me: I don’t know…this one has a great turning radius but the other one just looks better.
Husband: For God’s sake, just grab the next available shopping cart!
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People who say ‘be careful what you wish for’ have obviously never wished for free, unprotected, unlimited wifi from their neighbor.
Clark Kent: *sits glasses on counter*
Lois Lane: Who are you and where did the new countertop come from?
I excuse myself to the washroom before I order
You walk in and see me, leaning towards the mirror repeating “I’ll have the hamburger please”
In 8th grade, I had a crush on boy in my class. At some point, I found out my family was moving & I was going to switch schools. So, I wrote him a very long love letter. The day after I read it to him in front of my class, my parents decided I could keep going to the same school.
Not to brag, but it’s not even Halloween and I’ve already started my Christmas weight-gaining.
Oh yeah I was in a gang in high school! Well not like a real gang, it was more of a Trigonometry Club. But we still flashed sines.
I was bit by a radio active spider so now I wear a rubber suit, swing around like a monkey and use karate, you know, like a spider.
Every chick magazine ever:
You’re beautiful and are perfect just the way you are!
How to loose ten pounds in ten days you fat, ugly cow.
celebrities: time to 🎶 SIIIIIIIIING