At a dinner party, instead of putting names on place cards, just list everyone’s shortcomings and they have figure out where they’re supposed to sit.
me: I feel your pain
french baker: ma’am, pls stop touching the bread
You Might Also Like
Drunk guy: you call those sunflowers?!? ‘Tis a pitiful rendering
Van Gogh: *turns to innkeeper* hold my ear
My grandmother told me the secret to staying thin is…….if it tastes good spit it out.
My mind has been wandering so long, we’re pretty much in a long-distance relationship.
POTATO MAGICIAN: is this your carb
Plummeting toward the ground, my primary chute failed, I have a glimmer of hope: my backup chute. Grabbing it, I yell over the screaming wind, “Go get help, boy!” and send it off. Hopefully it will return in time.
That’s “MISTER your credit card is declined” thank you very much.
My white girl power is ability to never putting more than $20 worth of gas in at a time.
Me: I don’t think I fit into some box with a label on it.
Serial Killer: *looking disappointed* Are you sure?
Her- um.. why are you wearing a Darth Vader mask?
Me- you said lets do Yoda together
H- I SAID YOGA YOU DOPE
M- VERY WRONG I WAS