Admit it! You’re a Communist!
A no-good red!
Tough guy eh?
We can do this all night.
Me: I hope you don’t mind that I got a dog for our son.
Wife: Of course not, where is he?
Me: I just told you.
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Make it RAAAAIN!!
ICE CREAM GUY: Ma’am, everyone gets the same amount of rainbow sprinkles.
If you can’t handle me at my worst that makes sense and I’m sorry for setting your house on fire.
I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.
My first child will be named New Folder.
Christian Mingle: God has hidden a spouse for you on our website. Pay us $30 and see if you can find them.
Date: So what do you do for a living?
Jesus: I’m a carpenter but my real passion is hosting self-help seminars.
If something rolls off of my plate… I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
THE EXORCIST (1973) An incompetent priest botches a routine case.