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@T_Bonezzz_: Me: I hurt my back really bad
Me: I woke up
@MikeCanRant: You have to put a potato in the microwave to push the potato button. Other things dont turn into potatoes.
*brought to you by Bounty*
@CelebrityChez: How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after you've told your wife that you're gay?
@imadepoopstoday: [job interview]
"We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position."
It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it.
@Sal_Stevens: Why was a 9 year old allowed on a shooting range. In my school yoyo's were banned after Jenny got a black eye doing an 'Around the World'
@Cpin42: me: we named you after our favorite films
paul blart: i hate you
wife: you should be proud of your names
paul blart 2: you're monsters