“If you have any questions, just ask. My door is always open.” said the boss at my new job.
“Why do you need a door then?” I asked him.
Me: I know our time together is over. I want you to know that I’ll always treasure the memories and I don’t think anything will make me feel as amazing as you did
Husband: Could you please stop crying and talking to your empty plate. The waiter is scared and people are staring
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Dear Americans: It’s called snow. It’s cold and wet, but can’t hurt you from inside the house. It has no opposable thumbs. #AskCanada
At some point the blessing in disguise is going to take off the disguise, right?
My views are my own, although they’re heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.
Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.
Dipping your cats in blue paint and watching them chase each other is 1000x more entertaining than Avatar.
Some coworkers sign emails with “cheers” or “sincerely” followed by their names but I typically use “you’ve made a powerful enemy today.”
*First day and last day as sex-ed teacher*
“Okay everyone grab a partner.”
I’m at that age where all of my sentences start like this one.
So let me get this straight, she shot someone through the heart and the worst thing you can say about her is that she gives love a bad name?