We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@3sunzzz: Me: I lost 13 pounds.
Also Me: I'm going to celebrate with cake!
@KrispyTacoBelle: [Drive thru window]
Me: "The guy behind me said he would pay for this..."
@itchyturtle: Dating tip: surprise your date by being a giraffe
@GrantTanaka: [outside bar]
angry guy: [rips off shirt, puts up fists]
me: [carefully removes jacket & shirt, spends a full minute folding them neatly using the KonMari method]
angry guy: omg this is literally why I wanna hit u
@markedly: Coworker: Good morning
Me (suddenly realizing this is my first interaction of the day): How are go?
@rudy_mustang: Me: the eagles won last night
Co worker: oh did you watch the game
Me: *covered in blood and scratches* what game