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We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
DATE: so what kind of writing do you do?
ME: um, cursive, regular…
DATE: no I mean-
ME: actually I can’t do cursive :/
In the Ben Affleck version, Batman’s parents kill themselves.
If someone starts talking to you, easily get out of the conversation by nodding while climbing the nearest tree.
I wanna work at a bank so I can get that employee discount on money
The first guy that paid for life insurance died never knowing if it was a scam.
Today I saw “Jesus doesn’t care about your grades” written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was “Thank god, he’d be pissed”
Me: hello I’ve run out of toilet paper
Front desk: oh I’m sorry for the inconvenience
Me: oh no worries, but I’ve also run out of towels
judge: are you the defendant?
me: haha yup, guilty as charged
my lawyer: *whispers in my ear*
me: um whats the policy on take backs here