You Might Also Like


We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.


DATE: so what kind of writing do you do?
ME: um, cursive, regular…
DATE: no I mean-
ME: actually I can’t do cursive :/


In the Ben Affleck version, Batman’s parents kill themselves.


If someone starts talking to you, easily get out of the conversation by nodding while climbing the nearest tree.


I wanna work at a bank so I can get that employee discount on money


The first guy that paid for life insurance died never knowing if it was a scam.


Today I saw “Jesus doesn’t care about your grades” written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was “Thank god, he’d be pissed”


Me: hello I’ve run out of toilet paper

Front desk: oh I’m sorry for the inconvenience

Me: oh no worries, but I’ve also run out of towels


judge: are you the defendant?

me: haha yup, guilty as charged

my lawyer: *whispers in my ear*

me: um whats the policy on take backs here