@jergarl: Me: I love you with my hole heart.
Wife: Wrong hole.
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@MikeDrucker: Twitter is fun because you get to be like, “Ducks are good” and someone in your mentions will go, “Um, I’m sorry but my brother is married to a duck scientist and this is a harmful view” and then someone else pops up going, “Your silence about horses is extremely telling”
@UncleDuke1969: It’s terribly sad, but the fact that the graphic had to be added is due to the shockingly low literacy rate among geese.
@AlexKaseberg: In Florida, a man on a beer run chased customers with an alligator under his arm. In a related story, there is a bill to change the Florida state flag to a guy buying beer with an alligator under his arm.
@matt___nelson: Narrator: "Humans are the product of 4.54 billion years of evolution" [cut to me pressing harder on remote control when batteries are dead]