What the hell, Chris?
Me: I think that’s Dave
Wife: It’s not Dave
Me: Gonna wave to him
Me: Hey Dave!
Auctioneer: New bidder at $80,000
Me: It’s not Dave
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I’m not a helicopter mom.
I’m more of a “come & get me only if there’s blood” kind of mom.
me: i really don’t care about other people’s problems
also me: [sees a dead fish while walking on the beach] oh no what happened
*Job Position: Astrologer*
Interviewer: Tell me about myself
If we weren’t able to stop Bieber Fever I seriously doubt America can stop an Ebola epidemic.
Today sucked so much it featured a guest verse from Pitbull
Diet tip: If you think you’re hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.
My 4 year-old pronounces Cookie Monster as Coke-y Monster and if a 4 year-old could figure it out, then it’s about time we stage an intervention for that furry blue drug addict.
Until you show me in the corporate dress code where it says masks & capes aren’t allowed, I must refuse to reveal my identity to the others.
My family is sound asleep on this early Saturday morning
*Starts to vacuum