I bet homophobic guys get reincarnated into condoms.
ME: I thought only old people got that
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Pro Tip: I’m not a pro. Don’t listen to my tips.
CAUGHT IN A ?????
these freddie videos i swear-
We operate by one simple rule: if you smell it and you think it’s gone bad, I believe you. Further testing (by me) is unnecessary.
ME: Just don’t mention anything about breaking free & they won’t suspect a thing
FREDDIE MERCURY *clears throat*
therapist: and how do we react to conflict?
me: with sarcasm?
therapist: try again
me: oh sry how’s this? dEfInItElY nOt WiTh SaRcAsM
therapist: much better
This is why there aren’t any gays in horror films
I’m walking on sunshine, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and I’m startin’ to feel
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS TERRIBLE
Waiter: Hi! Our special today is macaroni or cheese!
Me: Wait – did you say ‘or’ cheese?
Waiter: *lifts shirt, reveals gun* Look, I’m a cop