don’t eat yellow snow is a pretty sound rule but i would warn against eating any kind of weather
Me: I want you to have this bracelet. it belonged to my grandmother.
Her: why does it say “do not resuscitate”
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*uses Mr. Clean magic eraser to wipe off your drawn on eyebrows*
Listens to you abuse me for my cargo shorts.
Reaches into pocket. Pulls out pack of peanut butter cheese crackers. Hands them to you.
I trust that will be the end of that.
I don’t respect Aquaman, because I can’t respect a hero whose arch nemesis is that plastic drink holder that you find on a six pack of cans.
Martin Shkreli can look forward to a 5,000% markup on cigarettes in his near future.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.
Please stop inventing new slang words so quickly. I’m having trouble not becoming my grandmother.
[first time seeing Godzilla]
ok so where’s Jesuszilla
Not sure why people with shingles aren’t prescribed roofies.