*dies and gets to hell*
I really thought I’d lived a good life.
*Satan shows me a video of that time I left a shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot at Target when the cart return was 10 feet away*
Oh yeah. Fair enough.
Me: I wish for a lightsaber.
Genie: Be realistic.
Me: Ok, I wish for a boyfriend.
Genie: Would you like your lightsaber in blue or green?
You Might Also Like
I would guard your potatoes so hard.
Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.
*makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*
Always carry $10,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feeling like getting a meal at an airport.
A movie where two people finally kiss and all their friends cheer in the background because just behind the kissing people two swans are fighting brutally
[watching wonder woman]
*wonder woman comes onscreen*
Me: (leans over to date) that’s wonder wo-*date throat punches me*
which bird do you think most deserves to be punched in the face and why is it a goose
I try to live my life like every one of the ten people Beyoncé follows.
Me: I always start eating a bunny by biting the ears clean off.
Her: That’s not unusual – I think most people like to eat chocolate bunnies that way.