@fro_vo

Me: if 1001 is “one thousand one” then 1000 should be “one thous”

Photo of Albert Einstein: you make a very good point but i don’t know what we can do about it

You Might Also Like

@fro_vo

Pronouns:
He
She
It
You
We
They

Amateurnouns:
Whoozits
Whatsername
Thingamajig
*vague pointing*
Whatchamacallit
Dudes

@karanbirtinna

I’d exercise more often if running didn’t spill the whiskey in my glass.

@Contwixt

My 1-year-old thinks turtles say “vroom vroom.” I hesitate to correct her because who knows what’s what anymore? Maybe turtles are fast now.

@97Vercetti

whoever removed the 30th and 31st from february, come get the 14th too bro

@mommajessiec

Before you spend $200 on birthday party entertainment for your child, I sprayed my son and his friends for 45 minutes with the hose. Rave reviews.

@drinksmcgee

[First time ever having sex]

Her: So you just take this and slide it into this here. Are you ready?

*flashback to the 100s of hours I spent playing Tetris

Me: I was born ready.

@thepunningman

Fetty Wap’s full name is Fettuccine Wireless Application Protocol.

@jazmasta

I’d like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please.
“Sir, that is a sleeping bag”
*winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*