ahhh yes this is more like it, now I have no idea what’s going on.
Me: I’ll be ready in 2 minutes!
7: YOU SAID THAT A THOUSAND TRILLION MILLION YEARS AGO!
Looks like neither of us really have a grip on time.
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Husband: Honey, is it called an octopus because it has eight pu-
if I were in a comic book I would never wear clothes, I would just constantly scream a huge speech bubble over my body
we got a new neighbour and I thought it was taking him weeks to move in but turns out he works for u-haul
I have a bad feeling I’ll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way.
Wife: Want do you want for dinner?
Me: Surprise me.
Wife: I used to be a man.
Me: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pizza.
*drops exactly one thinly-sliced piece of ham in each child’s Halloween bag*
Parenting a 3yo is basically a series of non stop negotiations.
Me: We have to leave the playground so we can do two more things.
3yo: no five more things!
Me: no, one more thing.
3yo: yay one more thing!
Bless their stupid little hearts.
LITTLE MERMAID 2016:
SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!!
ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*
(Face painter at kid’s birthday party): …and what shall I paint on your face?