If you’re testing me, we failed.
ME: I’ll see you in a month
WIFE: Don’t forget to write
ME: It’s highly unlikely I’d forget such a basic skill, Sharon
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me *breaking the fourth wall*
architect: oh no
[snowman rings doorbell]
Pardon me, but I overheard someone say something about a “snow blower” and was wondering where I might find one.
You got this…
Director: one of you actors tampered with my DNA last night!
Tom Cruise: not me, I went cruising
Elizabeth Banks: I was at the bank.
Gene Hackman: *drops test tube in surprise*
“You look nice.”
“DO I EVEN MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?”
“Mom told me not to date a goat.”
Clark Kent: *removes glasses*
Freddie Prinze Jr: wow I never realized how beautiful you are
No Grandma, he has a hair piece, not herpes
confuse your coworkers today by telling them you’re going to the restroom to do a “number 3”
please sir. i beg of you. don’t take away my job. i’ve got a tuscan kitchen & 2 full baths at home. sir. sir please. my kitchen. it’s tuscan