@daddydoubts

Me: I’m gonna get you dressed.

3yo: cool I’m gonna make it as hard as possible for you to do so.

Me: cool.

3yo: cool.

You Might Also Like

@BlindChow

[last supper]
Judas: Here, I brought this
Jesus: A bottle of wine? Srsly? I need that like I need a hole in my hand
Judas: *winks at camera*

@LeBearGirdle

[invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs]
“in a few years its gonna be really cold”
*hands them mixtape*
“you’re gone need this”

@daemonic3

*wakes up early on weekend
*makes 12 pancakes
*wakes kids up

“Daddy, can we have waffles today???”

*eats 12 pancakes

@rorygneesmith

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it’s because no one else wanted them.

@Thunder_Fart

Did you know that when you meet an Indian you can CHOOSE not to mention slumdog millionaire?

@50NerdsofGrey

‘I’ve been a very bad girl,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’
‘Very well,’ he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

@ClichedOut

COP: any drugs in the car

ME: no

COP: ok

ME: APRIL FOOL’S

@steph_mcca

anyone who doesn’t have a crush on me is wrong but also anyone who DOES have a crush on me is wrong too. confusing, i know!

@BuckyIsotope

[stranded on deserted island]
*spells out message in rocks*
WHAT’S
THE
WIFI
PASSWORD