Me: I’m gonna renovate the house once I get my promotion. After that, kids maybe?
Date: Are you still talking about The Sims?
Me: Of course.

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Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees.


A woman on the subway this morning said “did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?” So really, we deserve this.


Hey Alaska wilderness show person who is about to freeze to death with no hope in sight, maybe just cuddle up with the crew filming you…


Those who say there is no such thing as a stupid question have obviously never worked in tech support..;)


If you don’t sit down to a nice big plate of breakfast for dinner once in a while, you’re missing out on one of the best things in life.


My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD Bin at Walmart….


Brad Pitt. While you’re helping the world, please feed your wife.


Apparently you can’t make a baby by adding water to baby powder, so don’t waste your time.


Horses are a great pet for anyone who’s ever wished their bicycle could make bad choices