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@CArmanthegirl: Me: I’m not a morning person
Everyone: no shit
@heymonroe: 14 year old me would be shocked to learn that knowing every word to Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire' has done nothing for our career.
@seandunn76: 4 in 3 people have syphilis. Look to your left. Look to your right. One of you has syphilis twice.
@Mike_Bianchi: Not sure if this girl I'm talking to online is real, so on our first date I'm gonna bring an image captcha for her to solve.
@markedly: Just heard a young parent say “Brantley is a demon child.” Well, you’re the one who named him Brantley. Maybe take a hard look in the mirror, Judith.
@blade_funner: Pronouncing words correctly is not my fort.