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@Michael_Erhart: Me: "I'm so lonely."
Microscopic organism: "Wow, I'm right here."
@WilliamRodgers: "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon....Little boy blue and the man on the moon"
...Drugs in the 70's must've been AWESOME!
@simoncholland: Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.
@SeptapusDenny: CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing.
CNN exec: meh
Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode!
*CNN exec absolutely loses it*
@TheMichaelRock: *someone playing a harmonica*
Me: I have no idea if he’s good at this or not.
@Birdhumms: Me: Help someone is trying to gain entry to my home, send the police!
Her: Calm down, where are they now?
Me: Still ringing the doorbell