@AimeeHelene1: Me: I'm sorry; I don't remember your name. I know it starts with an S though.... Sledgehammer, Salamander, Slappy...
Him: Steve...my name is Steve.
Me: Yeah, no, I would've never gotten that.
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@AbbieEvansXO: ME: *turns around instead of wiping the steam off my bathroom mirror* SERIAL KILLER BEHIND ME: okay wow way to ruin the moment
@stephenjmolloy: 'Keanu Can Canoe, Can You?' - instructional video in which actor Keanu Reeves teaches people how to use a canoe.
@karencheee: Happy that I paid $ for a gym membership to exercise the little neuron in my brain that argues whether I should go to the gym every day
@Mardigroan: If you throw your hands in the air like you just don't care make sure you put your coffee cup down first. I know that now.
@FattMernandez: I have this theory that McDonald's hamburgers are actually made out of their employees. That's why they're always hiring.
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